I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
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Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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