You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Couch. On fire.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize