How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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