If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize