Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize