she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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