We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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