im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
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I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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