I am in a vortex of obligation.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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