We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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