you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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