We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize