my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize