i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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