They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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