Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize