The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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