How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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