you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize