haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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