Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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