If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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