i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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