I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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