She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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