She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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