WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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