Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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