Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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