i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize