When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
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I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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