It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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