I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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