he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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