Umm I'm too high to move.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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