The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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