I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
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I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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