this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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