So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
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dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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