I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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