Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
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so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
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No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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