I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize