just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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