Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize