she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize