she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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