Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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