I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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