dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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