Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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